Starting with High Hopes
Woke up extra early on Nov 27th 2024, brewed my usual black coffee and opened that horoscope app everyone’s obsessed with. Saw bold predictions about “major career breakthroughs” and “lucky encounters” written in flashing purple text. Thought to myself – hell why not test this cosmic advice properly?
Attempting Career Tips First
My horoscope said “ditch routine tasks for bold moves” around noon when Mercury aligns. Normally I’d spend Tuesdays answering emails, but I scheduled an impromptu meeting with my boss instead. Leaned back in my chair like some hotshot CEO and pitched this half-baked project idea about office gardening. Watched her raise one eyebrow so high it nearly disappeared into her hairline. Whole team went dead silent when she asked about budget projections. Ended up getting assigned more spreadsheets to manage. Cosmic help my ass.
Chasing That Elusive Luck
The luck section promised “financial surprises from unexpected sources” if I wore green and carried coins. Dug out this moldy celery-colored sweater that makes me look like a sick frog, filled my pockets with quarters until they jingled like sleigh bells. Lunchtime came and:
- Waited 45 mins at the taco truck hoping for “free extras” – got charged extra for guac
- Tried small-talking strangers at the park (“unexpected connections” my ass) – got three restraining-worthy glares
- Found $0.25 stuck to a gum wad under the bus seat – guess that counts as cosmic generosity?
Epic Ending Fail
Following the “evening opportunity” advice, I skipped my workout to loiter near this fancy downtown bar where “important contacts might appear”. Stood there like a creep holding my lucky coin collection, watching people in suits laugh over cocktails. Security finally came over and said – no joke – “Sir you’re scaring the patrons”. Tripped walking away and spilled quarters all over the gutter.
Lesson Learned
Stargazing app deleted before bedtime. Next time I need career advice I’m asking my cat – at least he gives straight meows without hiding affiliate links behind moon phases. Sometimes you gotta fall for the horoscope scam once to appreciate good old-fashioned common sense!