So this morning I was scrolling through TikTok with my coffee, right? Saw some astrology chick talking about lunar cycles affecting luck. Got me thinking – I haven’t checked my horoscope in ages. Couldn’t even remember what moon phase we’re in. Figured I’d give it a shot today just for kicks.
Gathering My Weird Supplies
First thing, I dug through my dusty craft drawer like a raccoon in a dumpster. Found an old journal with half the pages ripped out (thanks, past me), a dried-up purple gel pen, and a ruler from my kid’s math homework. Couldn’t find any colored pencils so I grabbed a stubby brown eyeliner instead. Classy.
Plopped myself at the kitchen table. Crumbs everywhere, obviously. Opened my laptop and just typed “May 19 2025 horoscope” like a caveman. First result: “Waning Gibbous in Aquarius.” Had no clue what that meant but rolled with it. Jotted down:
- Moon Sign: Aquarius ✏️ (drew a little wave thingy)
- Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous ✏️ (tried shading a circle, looked like a rotten apple)
Making Up Fake Astrology Rules
Since I forgot how horoscopes work, I invented my own system. Remembered something about “ruling planets” so I scribbled:
“Aquarius = Uranus” (chuckled to myself. Ha. Uranus.)
“Waning Moon = Releasing Things” (sounded legit)
Googled “color of the day” – apparently it’s turquoise? Traced my eyeliner tube as proof. Then did the stupidest part: calculated my “personal day number” by adding up today’s date. 5 + 1 + 9 + 2 + 0 + 2 + 5 = 24. Then 2+4=6. Stared blankly at the number 6. Made up meanings:
- Stop rushing!
- Talk to neighbors!
- Drink more water!
The “Deep” Interpretation
Slapped my journal page with purple ink smudges everywhere. Decided:
“Releasing old clothes? Because waning moon! And Aquarius says invent something – maybe rearrange the garage!” Felt proud for like 7 seconds.
Tried meditating on it. Gave up after two minutes when my butt went numb on the kitchen chair. Cheated and ate a cookie instead – decided it counted as “nourishing my soul.”
Real World Testing
Wore a turquoise shirt (it was slightly green honestly) and smiled at Mrs. Henderson walking her Pomeranian. The dog barked at my ankles.
Found three old t-shirts with holes while “releasing” junk. Didn’t actually throw them out though – just moved them to the “maybe rags” pile.
Tried “inventing” by fixing the wobbly bookshelf with a pizza box folded under the leg. Collapsed anyway.
Cross-referenced at 3PM with a legit horoscope app. Turns out my moon sign calculation was two days off. Oops. My lucky color was actually magenta. No wonder the neighbor’s dog hated my outfit.
Final Thoughts
My hand smells like eyeliner. Garage is still a disaster zone. But hey – I drank five glasses of water (because #6 said so!). Also found three bucks behind the couch cushions while “releasing clutter.” Guess that’s my cosmic payout.
Would I do it again? Probably not. But at least I entertained myself before lunch.
